so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize