i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
