you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
