Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
