um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
