I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize