Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
