It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
