We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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