I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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