Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
