I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
