i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
