A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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