It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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