just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
