Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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