he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
