i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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