I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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