We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
