Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
