Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
