never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize