I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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