On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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