It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize