mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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