you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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