I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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