Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
