Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
