we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
