I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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