I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
