I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it because I queefed?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize