i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
