It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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