you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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