On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
