her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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