I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
