Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
