Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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