Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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