Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
