so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
