At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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