it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize