i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
