4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
