why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
