I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
