She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
