Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize