I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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