ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
