All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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