i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
