Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize