OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
