laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
