If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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