my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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