i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
