im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
