remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
