Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
