I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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