I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
