The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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