Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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