2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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