If i come over, it means nothing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
